My tale is ethereal and horrifying in nature, but it must be told so that no one suffers the fate of Jake.

Long ago, Jake and I were living perfectly normal lives, untainted by the wretched things that lurk in the shadows. We were but friends, naive in our youth…there was no way either of us could have known that our hobby of collecting obscure and arcane video games would bring about such catastrophe.

I remember… it was a seemingly normal summer’s day. A mutual friend had informed us of an occult store secretly stationed in a nearby town. We followed the vague directions until we stumbled upon a staircase, leading to a large and cryptic door. We entered trying to maintain bravado to impress the other; unaware of what was to come.

Surprisingly the store was well lit, and contained a host of different things, from video games to equipment for sacrificial rituals. It was there that Jake found a dusty copy of Sonic R. It was almost as if destiny had struck! Yet another brilliantly off-beat game to try out…yet some terrifying bit of knowledge called out to me from my subconscious… a distinct warning. I ignored my unease as he bought it for only five dollars. Some thing seemed strange about the storekeeper, however, his skin was puffy and abnormally pale. I continued to ignore my instincts… by that time it was late, and Jake had to do some yard work so we went our separate ways.

I would regret this for the rest of my life.

The next morning, my dad conversationally asked me what I had done that day. I told him it was rather uneventful, other than finding a copy of Sonic R. Even uttering those seemingly harmless syllables drained the blood out of his face. I remember it clearly… “You fool!” he roared, “Have you any idea what that is? Any one who beats Sonic R with 100% will descend into madness!”

The truth behind this statement brought me to my knees… a part of me in which I had never known knew all to well the nature of that game. Its tragic lack of perfection and catchy music was not meant for mortal minds. Jake had surely fallen victim, as Sonic R is infamously short and easy.

The king in yellow orange… the horrific stuffed animal whose name I dare not utter, opened his fluffy rags once more, spreading his insidious madness to all heedless gamers.

I drove there as fast as I could, but it was too late. He had been rendered a raving lunatic, singing a bizarre conglomeration of optimistic cheery music lyrics. Clutched in his hands was the red sign, a strange gem that belongs to the king in yellow and orange. I grabbed it from him, knowing that if he were to keep it his fate would be sealed. However, it was too late, the puffy man whom had sold him that sadistic game was there, ready to reclaim the red sign. He proceeded to hack Jake into small pieces with an ax…while I ran away, like a coward.

I know I could not have faced such evil, but one cannot help but feel responsible… Nevertheless I implore you all to never play Sonic R, do not suffer as Jake had.

It brings nothing but ill fortune, all the while the stuffed king cackles at our tragedy…

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